#1 – Stop Trying to Control Your Food

Foreign. Hey, friend. Welcome to Body and Belonging. Episode number one. Stop trying to control your food and start understanding your body instead. I am delighted to be starting this podcast journey with you. I am dietitian Jamie, and I have the privilege of being a coach and a mentor. So to many in the arena of taking care of our bodies, I'm also a mama to three kiddos, a wife to my summer camp sweetheart, a registered dietitian. But more than all of that, I am a sinner, saved by grace, a recovering people pleaser. Depends on the day, how much in recovery we are in that one. And a perfectionist that keeps messing up and is slowly learning to be okay with that. Now, not recording here, as someone who has this figured out, but somebody in the messy middle. I've prayed and pondered and coached and been coached on many of the topics I'll be bringing to you. And I pray as we begin that the Holy Spirit will continue the good work he is doing in you through this podcast. So I hope by the end of each of these episodes you're able to access just a little more kindness and compassion and curiosity towards yourself. So, as we dive in, I'm guessing that each of you listening wants to change something about yourself. Let's be real, you probably wouldn't Google a dietitian podcast if you weren't wanting to change something about your body. Maybe it's a number on a scale, or the size of your jeans. Maybe it's those evening cravings that you just can't seem to get control over, or the caffeine you need to get going each morning. As humans, we're rarely content, and we're almost always trying to change something about ourselves. And because of that desire, that belief that I need to change, we find ourselves constantly thinking about food, trying to be good. So starting over on Monday and wondering, why can't I just get this under control? I want you to hear this right away. What if the problem isn't your lack of discipline, but that you've been trying to control something that actually needs to be understood and cared for at an identity level? Because I believe your body isn't working against you. And today we're going to start that journey of seeing it differently. Now, I don't know your exact story, but I know what it is like to feel disconnected from your body, betrayed by your body, or like your body just isn't getting with the program. That can feel like food has too much power. It can feel like your nervous system can't handle your life. The mental noise can Be constant. Always thinking about food. It can feel like so much guilt after eating a treat. The constant overthinking partnered with the promise, I'll do better tomorrow. But tomorrow turns into the same cycle, and eventually you start to believe something is wrong with you. So I want to gently challenge that. What if your eating patterns, your cravings, your lack of control is actually your body trying to communicate something? And at one time, you trusted what your body was saying. But then that kid in middle school noted your thick thighs, or your mom started going to Weight Watchers and brought you along, or you had to run that dreaded mile in the Presidential Fitness Test and you came in last. Go ahead and install your story here. But somewhere along the way, belonging in your body got broken. See, we act in alignment with our identity. We think we can change our behavior from our big, beautiful brains with access to all willpower, all creativity, all hopes, all the good vibes. And sometimes we do. But when behavior is downstream from identity, it holds more power than we often give it credit for. See, most of us don't wake up thinking we need a new and different identity. But we live each day reacting to an identity that we didn't choose. We quietly tell ourselves that this isn't a big deal. Why would I bother the Lord with this? We whisper. I should have this figured out by now. Which, by the way, is the voice of shame, and I'm getting a little ahead of myself. But if you believe you're failing, you overcorrect. If you believe your body is wrong and out of control, you try to control it. If you believe that your belonging needs to be earned, you perform. So my question for you right now is how much of your health behaviors are a reaction to an underlying belief of inadequacy. And this inadequacy is often absorbed way before it's examined. It can be absorbed from family expectations, church messaging, diet industry comparison, achievement, or even painful experiences. And then you feel restless and discontent and uncertain, reacting instead of responding. See, now we're talking nervous system talk. Because impulsivity is a trauma response. Hear me out. Think about the last time you started a diet. Was it impulsive? A little drastic? Extreme? Think about the last time you tried a fitness program. Was it impulsive? Drastic? Think about the last time you tried to control food. Was it impulsive? Drastic? A little extreme. And right here, I want you to hear the compassion and the kindness in my voice as I ask these questions. This is not a voice of shame and condemnation. I am not here to control you or to help you control your body. I am here to help you, understand you and understand that when your nervous system is dysregulated, when you're stressed, when you're overwhelmed, when you're under fed, when you're depleted, your brain shifts into survival mode. And survival mode does not care about your goals. It cares about keeping you safe. So what does this look like with food? It might look like starting a drastic diet, committing to 75 hard without a single thought about your capacity in the next 75 days to do it. They can be more subtle. Craving sugar or carbs at the end of a long day, feeling out of control with food at night, habitually eating past fullness, or habitually ignoring your hunger. It can look like constantly thinking about food. It can even dress up like healthy behaviors that under the surface are a stress response. Anything you try to change while in a stressed and disconnected mode will only be temporary. Is this ringing true when you reflect on your life not because you're broken, but because your body is trying to regulate? And food is one of our favorite tools for comfort, for energy, for relief. And when we only respond with greater shame, greater restriction, greater control, we actually reinforce that broken cycle and make it stronger. This is the foundation we need before everything can shift. Because instead of asking, how do I get my body with the program, how do I control my food? What's my next plan? We start first by asking, what is my body trying to tell me? What do I need? What happened to me? This is the foundation of what I teach. Moving from control to connection. Moving away from food rules and finding rhythms that you can actually sustain. Moving from shame to compassion and curiosity and understanding and away from striving to actually feeling belonging in your body again. And if faith is part of your life, this matters even more. Because I believe that you were never created to live in a constant tension with your body. You were created with intention. And what God created in perfection, the enemy has come to destroy. Where does he start? With seeds of disconnection. There's disconnection on three levels, and there's nothing new under the sun. And this just keeps being repeated throughout hall of Human History. Disconnection with yourself. Who am I? What am I feeling? What's going on? Disconnection with yourself. Disconnection and brokenness with the people around you. And disconnection from God himself. I could walk you through this step by step in Genesis 3, and maybe in a future episode I will. But the point is, he wants you so separated from God, from yourself and from others, that you are Left to only believe his words. He did this with Eve in Genesis. He attempted to do this with Jesus in the wilderness while he was fasting. And he continues to sow these seeds of disconnection in us. There's nothing new under the sun. One of his best tricks is shame. Shame causes even greater disconnection from yourself, from others, from God. It paralyzes you. It tells us to isolate, to numb. Don't tell anyone. Fear. Fix yourself before somebody finds out. If they really knew, what would they think? At a really simple but scientific level, it throws your brain out of your beautiful frontal lobe, where you can reason and wrestle, and into more of a lower brain survival mode. This ties to everything. This shows up in so many categories of your life, and I can't wait to dive deeper into that with you. But hear me clearly. You have authority, but you cannot have authority over what you do not understand or are not even aware of or refuse to see. Caring well for our minds and for our bodies, taking captive our thoughts, practicing the new identity, practicing the new brain wiring is an act of rebellion in the best sense. It's rebellion against a thief who wants to steal and kill and destroy. And if he cannot steal, kill, and destroy right now, rest assured he will keep you distracted from your purpose and your calling. Authentic change, authentic growth. It has to involve your whole integrated body and brain. This type of change only takes place when you are connected to you, connected to community, connected to the Lord. You simply cannot hate yourself into better behavior. You cannot shame yourself into permanent change. Only love and safety can move you to growth and transformation. I'd also like to remind you here in Romans, I believe it's chapter two, verse four, that it is his kindness that leads you to repentance. Let's get really clear about the difference between conviction and shame right here on episode one. Conviction is holy. It is rooted in kindness. It is gentle. The fruit of the spirit is evident in conviction. You know your next step. Shame. The voice of condemnation, is paralyzing. It's isolating. And if the voice in your head is not kind right now, it is not the Lord's voice. Listen, your body is not something to fight. It is something to steward. And when we begin to see our bodies through that lens, when our identity gets shifted, when our thoughts about us get in alignment with the Lord's thoughts towards us, everything starts to soften. So here's where we're going on this podcast. We're going to talk about. What does it mean? What does it look like to care for your body? Without obsession? How do I regulate my nervous system when it's showing up in how I react to food? Is food freedom possible? Gentle nutrition? A biblically rooted view of self and your body image? And we're going to do all this in a way that's grounded, that's practical, that still helps you get dinner on the table tonight and is aligned with your faith. So that's it for today. If this episode resonated with you, your best next step is to join my email list. I'll drop that in the show and it's where I share weekly tips to help you actually apply this to your real life. And make sure you hit follow because in the next episode we are digging into why you feel out of control around food and it's not what you think. Said my friend. You are not as stuck as you feel. I am so glad you're here and I will see you in the next episode.