#2 – Why You Feel Out of Control Around Food (It's Not What you Think!)

Foreign. Hey, friend. Welcome back to Body and Belonging with dietitian Jamie. Today on episode two, we are talking about why you feel out of control around food. And it's probably not what you think. If you listened to last episode, we started shifting the conversation from control to understanding your body. But Jamie, I hear you saying, what does that mean? What does that mean when I'm standing in the grocery store aisle overthinking and overanalyzing what peanut butter to buy? What does that mean when I'm too mentally drained to meal plan? What does that mean when I'm already in the pantry finishing off that roll of Oreos at 11pm? So today we are going deeper. Let's talk about that phrase, I feel out of control around food. And I want to say this as clearly as possible. Those feelings are real. The feeling of if I start eating those chips, I won't stop is real. But the reason behind it, it's probably not what you've been told. Because when you feel out of control and maybe that looks like eating more than you planned, or having cereal for dinner and then snacking all evening, or feeling a really strong pull towards certain foods, especially salty foods or sweet foods, or thinking about food constantly, the narrative most of us have been given and diet culture perpetuates, and honestly, church culture also perpetuates, is you just need more discipline. You just need more self control. But if discipline alone worked, you wouldn't still be here. If there was a diet out there that worked, you wouldn't still be here. And yes, if there was a supplement or a medication out there that worked, you wouldn't still be here. Those are tools. The plan, the supplement, the accountability, the willpower, the discipline, this. There's helpful things out there, but they're not the whole picture. And I don't feel like anyone is talking about this whole picture and specifically how your nervous system has the authority to hijack all of this. So I want to fill you in on what's actually happening because it's really hard to be compassionate towards something you don't understand. And the big key here is going to be learning and practicing the skill. Skill. And yes, it's a skill to attune enough to yourself and what you're feeling and what your body is experiencing to see this happening in real time. So on a simplified, scientific level, your big, beautiful brain has many, many different systems and many different parts of your brain working at the same time. There's the amazing parts of your brain that set goals and plans ahead and is creative and desires to feel good in your body. And then there's your survival brain. This part is faster, it's more reactive, it has about the maturity of a three year old and God made it that way. And that part of your brain is focused on one thing, keeping you safe. And when your body perceives stress or is just lacking a felt sense of safety, whether it's emotional stress or physical stress or your blood sugar dropping or exhaustion, your survival brain takes over and asks what is the quickest, most accessible way for me to feel better and feel better fast. And when that happens, your body starts looking for relief. It looks for quick energy, it looks for comfort, it looks for dopamine, it looks for something familiar, something. Giving a sensory input and food is one of the fastest ways to accomplish this goal. Carbs give you quick glucose, ice cream gives you a cold sensory input. And sugar and dopamine, that hot coffee warms your hands and soothes you. So those moments when you feel out of control, they're often moments where your body is trying to regulate, not sabotage you, support you and listen. Your body isn't wrong for doing this. This is a God given, God designed system. Now we do live in a world where heavily refined and processed and sugar saturated and dopamine dosing food is far more available than it's ever been in human history. That's a fact. But even so, jumping straight to shaming yourself and punishing yourself or calling yourself a glutton misses so much context and nuance. Now I was raised in a church with a lot of die to self, the heart is deceitful type language. So ingrained in my spiritual DNA is bits of partial truth but not the whole truth that leads me to not trust or even listen to myself. Before scanning my environment and scanning the people around me for safety, it's my default to doubt me. It's a whole thing. I often question and criticize my heart and my desires and my needs before even pausing to listen. And the Lord in his goodness and some amazing supports and training and mentors and therapists and coming to a deeper understanding of the gospel for me is rewiring this. And so I'm in the trenches of relearning that connection with myself is foundational. I'm learning that proximity to the Lord in hurting spaces is holy. I'm learning that honesty with myself and honesty with others and honesty with the Lord is a foundation for integrity. And my faith is not a get out of feeling feelings for free card. And I share that. All to say is if you're having a hard time connecting with yourself. You're not alone. The Lord is not alarmed by your humanness. He's not dismissive of your nervous system. And therefore it's not honorable for you to continually and repeatedly dismiss what it's telling you. And if we can lift this lid of shame and. And get just a little more honesty and get a little light in, and you can see that I don't look away, I lean in and offer you a little curiosity and a little compassion, then it's my prayer that you can begin to show that kindness to you, and you can treat yourself as you would a dear friend who's having a hard time. And so I want to guide you through a little quick reflection and see what this brings up for you. Think of a recent moment with food, maybe a craving. Maybe you ate past fullness, maybe you skipped a meal. Just a moment with food that you're not particularly proud of. Do you have one in mind? And then gently ask yourself, what was happening before this moment? How was I feeling? Was I stressed? Tired? Was I underfed? Overwhelmed? What might my body have needed in that moment? And there's no perfect answer here. We're just practicing curiosity. Because practicing curiosity is the first step in lifting that lid on shame. Because instead of saying, what's wrong with me? We can start asking, what did I need? Did I need rest? Did I need nourishment? Did I need comfort? Did I need a break? Because when those needs go unmet, food is right there to try and fill those gaps. And this is why a new food plan or a new fix of any kind doesn't actually fix the problem. Because almost always the new shiny thing is bypassing the actual need. And man, do we love the dopamine of a new plan until we're three days in, boomeranging to the pantry at 10pm Full of shame and full of self criticism and unpopular maybe thought, I don't know. Guess what? You don't even need to eliminate emotional eating completely. Wait, what? God gave us taste buds for a reason. He designed us to get dopamine from food for a reason. Especially when eating in community. Food can be one of our most powerful connectors because it connects our emotional experience to our embodied experience. Because we're tasting, feeling, smelling. We're using our senses the way they were designed. They are online. Now contrast that online feeling to the numb, overwhelmed, out of control, barely tasting what you eat feeling. That is dysregulation dialed up. Do you see the difference? So your goal for this week Ahead is to just begin, just notice, just start getting curious about what it would look like to expand your capacity to respond a little differently. So food isn't your only tool. Maybe you have the cup of coffee, but you also download your thoughts onto a journal paper. Or maybe you eat the cookie, but you step outside to take a couple deep breaths and feel the earth beneath your feet and feel it holding you up while you eat the cookie. Our goal right now is awareness and food not being your only tool. What if you felt 1% more regulated before you took that first bite? So a really simple, micro practical tool, something you can try this week, is next time you feel that pull towards food, just pause for a moment. No judgment, no shame. This is hard because judgment and shame is your practiced habitual default. But it's a habit like any other habit. Habits can change. And. And so next time you feel that pull towards food, just pause and ask, what do I need right now? And then be honest with the answer that comes up. You don't have to fix it. You just need to start noticing. Because awareness is that first step towards change. You can't have authority over something you're not even aware of. And this is happening behind the scenes day in and day out. So in the next episode, we're going to talk about one of the biggest things that keeps this cycle going, and that is food rules and food guilt and how it's actually making everything harder instead of better. And if this episode helped you feel just a little more understood, I would love for you to hop on my email list. And in fact, when you hop on that list today, you're going to get a one page cheat sheet telling you exactly, exactly what to do when cravings hit. You can put it on your fridge, you can pin it to your pantry, you can screenshot it and have it on your phone. How would it feel to know exactly what to do when those cravings hit? I want to equip you with that today. So go hop on that email list and don't forget to follow the show so you don't miss what's coming next. You are not broken. Your body is communicating. And we are learning how to listen. I will see you in the next episode.